Book of Changes

ADP readers: DO NOT PANIC

2007-12-26T02:11:41Z

I have not given up on ADP.

Only, the rewriting business has gone slightly out of hand, and I thought it would be best if people read it from chapter 13 (where things started to go out of hand, plot-wise). When I post the next time -- when I don't know -- it will be all of the rewritten chapters. I won't say anything about the content since, the last time I made a prediction, it went straight to the toilet.

Regards,
BoC

[FIC] A Different Perspective

2007-09-19T03:57:31Z

[FIC] A Different Perspective

2007-08-09T05:36:14Z

A Different Perspective
by Book of Changes

Rating: PG-13/T
Main Cast: Kakashi, Iruka, Naruto
Summary: (AU) Kakashi prepared himself for the worst when he was saddled with the Kyuubi-no-gaki, a.k.a. Naruto. He did not, however, expect this.
Disclaimer: This story is based on situations and characters created and owned by Masashi Kishimoto, and various publishers including but not limited to TV Tokyo

Author Notes: I have a feeling that I should apologize for the late update, but I know very well that I couldn't have updated any quicker. Ai, where does one find the right road?

In this story eighteen Genin made it through the Forest of Death (twenty one in Canon). So expect a different progression of events. Or just different matches. Anyway, onward!

( Chapter 23: Preliminary Peccadilloes )

[MANGA] The Great Divorce

2007-06-25T07:25:41Z

Title: The Great Divorce
Artist/Author: Book of Changes
Rating: PG-13/T
Summary: [AU] Right after the rescue mission to Sand, Naruto is replaced with someone who is Naruto in essence, but not Naruto in person. Ai, what is one to do!?
Disclaimer: NARUTO belongs to Kishimoto Masashi. No money is being made and no copyright infringement is intended.

Note: After three weeks of no motivation whatsoever, yesterday I was hit by a motivation truck. Such is the life of a fan-mangaka, or so it would seem.

chapter 1: 1-5, 6-10, 11-15, 16-18, 19-20
chapter 2: 1-3, 4-6, 7-10, 11-12, 13-16

[MANGA] The Great Divorce

2007-06-04T06:25:44Z

Title: The Great Divorce
Artist/Author: Book of Changes
Rating: PG-13/T
Summary: [AU] Right after the rescue mission to Sand, Naruto is replaced with someone who is Naruto in essence, but not Naruto in person. Ai, what is one to do!?
Disclaimer: NARUTO belongs to Kishimoto Masashi. No money is being made and no copyright infringement is intended.

Note: Four pages this time. Page 14 gave me more grief than it was worth -- and I ended up going for my first design. I kill me.

chapter 1: 1-5, 6-10, 11-15, 16-18, 19-20
chapter 2: 1-3, 4-6, 7-10, 11-12

[MANGA] The Great Divorce

2007-05-21T01:18:28Z

Title: The Great Divorce
Artist/Author: Book of Changes
Rating: PG-13/T
Summary: [AU] Right after the rescue mission to Sand, Naruto is replaced with someone who is Naruto in essence, but not Naruto in person. Ai, what is one to do!?
Disclaimer: NARUTO belongs to Kishimoto Masashi. No money is being made and no copyright infringement is intended.

Note: Woe is to me! I was very busy this week, so only two meager pages this time D:

chapter 1: 1-5, 6-10, 11-15, 16-18, 19-20
chapter 2: 1-3, 4-6, 7-10

[MANGA] The Great Divorce

2007-05-13T12:20:25Z

Title: The Great Divorce
Artist/Author: Book of Changes
Rating: PG-13/T
Summary: [AU] Right after the rescue mission to Sand, Naruto is replaced with someone who is Naruto in essence, but not Naruto in person. Ai, what is one to do!?
Disclaimer: NARUTO belongs to Kishimoto Masashi. No money is being made and no copyright infringement is intended.

Note: These pages gave me a lot of trouble. I'm glad it's finally done. Argh.

chapter 1: 1-5, 6-10, 11-15, 16-18, 19-20
chapter 2: 1-3, 4-6
starting with a preview...

[FIC] A Different Perspective

2007-05-06T09:36:26Z

A Different Perspective
by Book of Changes

Rating: PG-13/T
Main Cast: Kakashi, Iruka, Naruto
Summary: (AU) Kakashi prepared himself for the worst when he was saddled with the Kyuubi-no-gaki, a.k.a. Naruto. He did not, however, expect this.
Disclaimer: This story is based on situations and characters created and owned by Masashi Kishimoto, and various publishers including but not limited to TV Tokyo

Author Notes: Life is not nice. That does not mean I’m about to play dead at its feet. Anyway, here is chapter 22.

( Chapter 22: Fear of Foibles )

[MANGA] The Great Divorce

2007-05-05T02:25:19Z

Title: The Great Divorce
Artist/Author: Book of Changes
Rating: PG-13/T
Summary: [AU] Right after the rescue mission to Sand, Naruto is replaced with someone who is Naruto in essence, but not Naruto in person. Ai, what is one to do!?
Disclaimer: NARUTO belongs to Kishimoto Masashi. No money is being made and no copyright infringement is intended.

Note: I'm updating a bit earlier because I want to focus on writing fanfic tomorrow (namely, A Different Perspective). This shouldn't affect future TGD updates that much (it's more like TGD is negatively affecting ADP's updates!). Anyway, forward!

chapter 1: 1-5, 6-10, 11-15, 16-18, 19-20
chapter 2: 1-3

[MANGA] The Great Divorce

2007-05-02T22:29:43Z

[MANGA] The Great Divorce

2007-04-28T14:30:29Z

Title: The Great Divorce
Artist/Author: Book of Changes
Rating: PG-13/T
Summary: [AU] Right after the rescue mission to Sand, Naruto is replaced with someone who is Naruto in essence, but not Naruto in person. Ai, what is one to do!?
Disclaimer: NARUTO belongs to Kishimoto Masashi. No money is being made and no copyright infringement is intended.

Note: Now to the glorified pen lines. :D

pages 1-5
pages 6-10
pages 11-15
pages 16-18

Just as an extra-- the front page of chapter 2

[MANGA] The Great Divorce

2007-04-25T02:33:38Z

Title: The Great Divorce
Artist/Author: Book of Changes
Rating: PG-13/T
Summary: [AU] Right after the rescue mission to Sand, Naruto is replaced with someone who is Naruto in essence, but not Naruto in person. Ai, what is one to do!?
Disclaimer: NARUTO belongs to Kishimoto Masashi. No money is being made and no copyright infringement is intended.

Note: I've dusted off my pens. On my next update, you won't be getting glorified pencil sketches. ;)

pages 1-5
pages 6-10
pages 11-15

[MANGA] The Great Divorce

2007-04-21T18:21:08Z

[MANGA] The Great Divorce

2007-04-15T01:35:24Z

Title: The Great Divorce
Artist/Author: Book of Changes
Rating: PG-13/T
Summary: [AU] Right after the rescue mission to Sand, Naruto is replaced with someone who is Naruto in essence, but not Naruto in person. Ai, what is one to do!?
Disclaimer: NARUTO belongs to Kishimoto Masashi. No money is being made and no copyright infringement is intended.

Note: I didn't think a handcrafted, unedited doujinshi would garner the amount of positive responses I received last week. Thank you so much for you comments!

part 1

[MANGA] The Great Divorce

2007-04-09T23:36:46Z

Title: The Great Divorce
Artist/Author: Book of Changes
Rating: PG-13/T
Summary: [AU] Right after the rescue mission to Sand, Naruto is replaced with someone who is Naruto in essence, but not Naruto in person. Ai, what is one to do!?
Disclaimer: NARUTO belongs to Kishimoto Masashi. No money is being made and no copyright infringement is intended.

Notes: This doujinshi owes a great deal to a story with the same title written by C.S. Lewis, who in turn wrote his story in response to 'The Marriage of Heaven and Hell', by William Blake. I hope that provides enough hints on what this doujinshi will be about.

Distracted...

2007-04-09T06:38:15Z

Somebody is back posting...

Long story short, it is was Lent, and blogging and reading LJ posts were two things I gave up for the season. Unlike last year, which I did something similar, it was not painful to carry out both resolutions to the letter. Except for one mistake (I clicked a link without checking the url), I didn't break either resolution. Perhaps the Lord so cured my addiction, or LJ became a boring entity.

Anyway, stories: I'm working on ADP. Really. I'm just very, very slow. And distracted. The distraction can be summed up in one word: Manga.

I'm drawing Naruto doujinshi.

This isn't the first time I've tried to do something like this. I'm progressing a lot faster than I do with written stories: 10 drafts in five days. That's half a normal manga chapter (20p) -- The mind truly boggles. Now I'm debating over posting the drafts in chuunin or some such place. I have no plans to clean the drafts (unless someone volunteers), except to put nice fonts in the dialog balloons. Even if I wanted to, I don't have the time.

At any rate, here are two pages of samples:

[FIC] A Different Perspective

2007-02-20T23:56:19Z

A Different Perspective
by Book of Changes

Rating: PG-13/T
Main Cast: Kakashi, Iruka, Naruto
Summary: (AU) Kakashi prepared himself for the worst when he was saddled with the Kyuubi-no-gaki, a.k.a. Naruto. He did not, however, expect this.
Disclaimer: This story is based on situations and characters created and owned by Masashi Kishimoto, and various publishers including but not limited to TV Tokyo

Author Notes: I am very late this time. The chapter is not polished either. But I couldn’t delay any longer. So here you go: chapter twenty one of ADP in all it rough and dubious glory. The Latin title means ‘Not possessing the ability to Not Sin’, or something to that effect.

( Non Posse Non Peccare )

Another battle lost...

2006-11-29T01:35:53Z

I have been waylaid by a plot beast.

The ferocity of this plot beast is such that I can't even concentrate at work. All day I'm just sitting there, hand and eyes set for work, but inside my head I'm completely and utterly consumed with the story. It's not as if my work isn't interesting. I just can't focus with this idea in my head. I haven't been assaulted like this since the ADP!plotbunny.

So what does this mean? Well no, I not going to halt A Different Perspective. The same goes for Arms Wide Open. I have detailed plans for both stories, and I'm not getting rid of them any time soon. No, I'm saying there might be delays while I'm working on three (four, if I include Through the eyes of normal people) stories at the same time.

So... coming to a LJ near you: It's Not Easy Being Green

*is shot*

[FIC] A Different Perspective

2006-11-13T02:13:02Z

A Different Perspective
by Book of Changes

Rating: PG-13/T
Main Cast: Kakashi, Iruka, Naruto
Summary: (AU) Kakashi prepared himself for the worst when he was saddled with the Kyuubi-no-gaki, a.k.a. Naruto. He did not, however, expect this.
Disclaimer: This story is based on situations and characters created and owned by Masashi Kishimoto, and various publishers including but not limited to TV Tokyo

Author Notes: This chapter came to its complete form thanks to the repeated pokes from kagehusha. So please direct thanks to him. Oh, and Red Rose 2 wins by default for answering the challenge I posed in the closing notes of chapter 19. Please see the pretentious closing notes of this chapter for details.

All previous chapters can be found here: ff.net link

00000
Crossroads III
00000

About sixteen years ago, Orochimaru said there was a kid from Niiminjin he wanted to take in as an apprentice. The request left Yondaime opening and closing his mouth like a goldfish, Sandaime choking on his pipe, Jiraiya jumping out of a window, and a good number of council members suffering mild heart attacks. Once everyone recovered from their collective shock and individual aftermath, the council decided to grant Orochimaru his request. Konoha-Niiminjin relations were fast deteriorating at then, ever since Sakumo’s monumental blunder wiped out the entire Niiminjin Reserves Army in one fell swoop. Everyone thought integrating Niiminjin’s young into Konoha would help improve relations in the long run.

Then they actually met the kid Orochimaru wanted.

Oh, the kid was brilliant, no doubt about that. But he was Evil. Capitol E, capitol V, capitol I, capitol L. EVIL. Seriously Evil. No joke Evil. If anyone wanted to prove some humans are irrevocably evil, all they needed to do was use the Unspeakable Incident as an example: long and ugly story short, the kid orchestrated a plan that left most of the residents of Vivian’s Sanitarium dead or worse, without laying a finger on anyone himself. Then, standing amidst the scene of massacre, face to face with the woman who founded the haven for the disadvantaged, he tried to talk Vivian into murdering him.

…Talk about Evil.

Now, besides being Evil, the kid had some odd habits. Everyday, regardless of weather conditions, he would wear a black formal suit and tie, a white dress shirt, and rectangular sunglasses. The cultural reference was lost to Konoha, but the peacemakers from Niiminjin said he looked like ‘Agent Elrond’ dressed like that. Thus the kid (whose real name remained unknown to the very end) was remembered as Agent Elrond, the first underage sociopath to commit mass murderer in Konoha.

With this kind of history, it was small wonder all Konoha Shinobi over age twenty three reacted the way they did, just after Irene made herself look like the infamous Agent Elrond.

It also partially explained the progression of the following events.

00000

As soon as Irene stopped talking, the entourage of (no longer) scary Konoha Shinobi burst into volley of questions, while Hiruma rolled around the conference room floor busting a gut laughing.

“Hokage-sama, what’s going on?!”

“BWAHAHAHAHAHA…!”

“Do you know this person?!”

“…GYAHAHAHAHAHA…!”

“Hokage-sama, is this him?!”

“…MWAHAHAHAHAHA…!”

“Hokage-sama…!”

Sandaime raised a hand for quiet, and the shinobi shut right up. He then tried to glare Hiruma into submission, only to put a silencing genjutsu on him instead. The gallery thus so silenced, Sandaime faced Irene.

“Airin (Irene), turn back” Sandaime all but ordered.

Irene obediently dispelled the Niiminjin-brand illusion that made her look like Agent Elrond. But, like an optical illusion dissected to completion, Irene’s face still looked very much like an Agent Elrond grown to adulthood.

How did I NOT notice!? Kakashi thought, mentally kicking himself. Oh gawd, if ‘he’ was actually a ‘she’ or vice versa, then …

“Take off your wig,” said Sandaime.

…Wig? Kakashi thought out of reflex.

Irene pouted; as in, she actually stuck out her lower lip. It was a disturbing sight. “Do I have to?”

Sandaime just looked at her. In a few seconds Irene capitulated. She fisted the top part of her white hair and pulled. The wig came off, revealing short cropped hair— still bleach white— and outlets embedded all around her head. But the lack of wig didn’t make Irene look any less like Agent Elrond. In fact it made her look more like Elrond, and Kakashi was quite sure this wasn’t the impression Sandaime wanted his shinobi to have.

As soon as Irene looked to his satisfaction, Sandaime made the (damage controlling) introductions:

“This is Lee Airin (Irene), PhD, MD, DD,” Sandaime announced. He didn’t explain what the titles meant. “For the last twelve years, Airin has rendered many invaluable services to Konoha. She alerted us of Orochimaru’s prenatal genetic experiments in Niiminjin, arranged and provided medical treatment to Orochimaru’s surviving test subjects, and took a major role in making the first Niiminjin-Konoha ceasefire.”

Kakashi lowered his suspicion against Irene about a couple of notches. So Irene was telling the truth when she said she testified against Orochimaru’s prenatal genetic experiments. That marked her sincerity index higher than average in Kakashi’s personal integrity marking system. But that was it. Sincerity in itself can only do so much.

“Also, as some of you might have guessed, Airin (Irene) is Agent Elrond’s last surviving sibling,” Sandaime said, aiming a stern glare at his ninja as he spoke. “Rest assured Irene is not her brother. In fact, she is one of the kindest people I know. Therefore I expect all of you to show her respect that she is due.”

But skepticism still reigned high despite Sandaime’s assurances. Anko, who was peaking in from door, quietly came back and took cover behind Ibiki, trying to look nonchalant with no success whatsoever. Three out the four ANBU present were leaking subtle waves of chakra, which wasn’t odd under circumstances, but out of place nevertheless. Gai looked as devastated as a romantic man betrayed could be. As for Iruka… first he looked puzzled, like he wasn’t observing what he was expecting to see. Then he shook his head and set his expression into that of determination.

Oh no. Oh no, no, no, no, NO! Kakashi knew that look, the one that had ‘I don’t give a damn what other people think, I think this person can trusted and I’m going to act accordingly’ written all over it. Iruka was just too damn trusting, damn it. What kind of ninja had a habit of opening the freaking door without scanning the person(s) waiting outside first, and made a conscious effort to take in disreputable street Arabs into his house to feed and cloth them? Didn’t he know he could be assassinated for his generosity? But no matter how vehemently Kakashi protested both practices, Iruka’s answer to the perfectly legitimate and rational argument was always the same:

“Stop being paranoid. It’s not as if my existence is known to people I need to worry about.”

An understatement of massive proportions, needless to say. But this was not the time to refute a humble chuunin teacher’s severely underestimated self-assessments. Now was the time to stop said humble chuunin teachers from doing something terribly stupid because of those severely underestimated self-assessments.

“I prepared the infirmary for you,” Sandaime said, just before Kakashi reached to grab Iruka’s shoulder. Apparently he gave up on the lost cause.

Irene smiled; that looked freaky too. “Thank you.”

Sandaime’s returning smile was brimming with exasperation. “Come. Follow me.”

They left, dragging a still silently-convulsing Hiruma behind them. The shinobi waited until Sandaime was well out of hearing range before they started talking.

“Who the (bleep) is she?How did you get to know her, Kakashi?” Anko demanded.

“Naruto,” Kakashi answered. “He introduced me to her yesterday. He calls her ‘Mom’.”

“… Mom!?” Anko and several others repeated. Then Anko added: “How the (bleep) did you not notice!?”

“Did you notice until she put on that illusion?” Kakashi shot back.

Anko flushed at the counter, but she next words were no less belligerent than before.

“She has to be a spy! The (bleeping) bastard’s appearance, the (bleeping) (bleep) volunteering, the timing is too good!”

I wouldn’t go that far. In Kakashi’s opinion, Irene was an independent agent taking advantage of the situation. Her mommy-love for Naruto is quite genuine. She wouldn’t have risked her life to save him from Mizuki otherwise. And if she is a spy, for what purpose did she compromise her life and ability to gather information to save Naruto?

Kakashi was going to shoot the spy theory down, but Iruka beat him at it and more:

“I don’t think Airin-san (Irene) is a spy. I don’t think she has any intention of using Konoha either, be it for personal motives or nationalistic gains.”

All eyes landed on Iruka. On the next second, everyone looked away. When Iruka was radiating the Influence like that, only a handful of people could meet his eye.

“…What makes you think so?” asked Gai. He sounded like a dying man who was just given a chance for salvation.

“My profiling mentor once told me about this doctor from Niiminjin,” Iruka explained. “The doctor was one of the … scientists Orochimaru conned into doing illegal human genetic research. After Orochimaru’s intentions came to light, the doctor spent the next six years trying to cure the surviving test subjects. Now, all of the surviving test subjects were deemed hopeless; even Tsunade-sama had to let them go. But this doctor, she just couldn’t give up,” A pause, “After her last patient died, the doctor vanished. My mentor was convinced she committed suicide,” Another pause, “Apparently not.”

…Huh. Kakashi mulled over the new bit of information. If this doctor Iruka spoke of was Irene— and it was very likely, since Sandaime told them Irene provided medical treatment to Orochimaru’s test subjects— then Irene must have spent the entirety of her adolescent years trying to cure people that had no hope of being cured. It painted different picture of a teenaged Irene: one who dirtied her hands and battered her heart trying to pay for her past wrong doings.

Then an epiphany struck Kakashi.

Kakashi turned around and scrutinized the three ANBU who were leaking chakra earlier. From their stature, hair-length, muscle layout and smell of chakra, Kakashi could tell they were Tenzou, Watsuki and Yuugao. All three of them were survivors of Orochimaru’s experiments. It was entirely possible they recognized Irene as the doctor who treated them, and then freaked out when she pulled an Agent Elrond.

So that was what Sandaime was planning to do, Kakashi thought, as all the formless connections and separate ideas finally took full shape and threaded together. He was going to reunite those three to Irene. Only Irene had her own agenda, and they didn’t step up. The conclusion left his previous suspicions shriveling up in abject shame. I really am a (bleeping) idiot…

“…You’re right. Airin (Irene) is no spy,” Kakashi said. Then he proceeded to tell everyone his reasons, which more or less involved annotating Irene’s personal history and her exceptional record as Naruto’s surrogate Mommy.

By end of Kakashi’s explanation, everyone was silent except for Gai, who was noisily bawling into Iruka’s shoulder.

“There, there, Gai-sensei…” Iruka said, patting Gai’s shoulder.

Gai made a wet, wailing sort of noise. After some eye-rolling, everyone looked away from Gai and to each other.

“Why did she reveal her connection to Agent Elrond?” Anko wondered out loud. “Only a (bleeping) idiot would do that, but Orochimaru would never take in an idiot.”

“Perhaps it was behavior brought from guilt,” Ibiki suggested.

I don’t think so. While Kakashi agreed guilt-ridden people tended to do weird self-destructive things, he didn’t see any indication that Irene was wallowing in guilt. Come to think of it, Irene still did scientific research, performed surgery and took care of orphans when she had once committed— knowingly or unknowingly— crimes against humanity on children little younger than herself. Why was Irene not haunted, if not paralyzed, by her past? Was she not remorseful? But if she wasn’t remorseful, then why did she dedicate so many years of her life taking care of the people she had harmed? And if guilt wasn’t driving her to do these things, just what was driving her?

Further more, Kakashi thought, if Irene worked under Orochimaru’s direction, what made her suddenly turn against him? You’d think thorough brainwashing is a prerequisite to becoming Orochimaru’s minion. I suppose it’s possible that she wasn’t in the meat of Orochimaru’s scheming, but she said she developed the underlying theory and mechanism behind the Curse Seal. Doesn’t that mean she was intimately involved, at least in the human experimentations?

All this didn’t make sense. Lee Irene was greater enigma Kakashi ever imagined, that was for sure.

“I don’t think Airin (Irene) disclosed her connection to Agent Elrond out of guilt,” Kakashi said, despite his growing questions regarding her motive. “It was certainly done intentionally, for whatever purpose she had in mind.”

“Do you have any idea what she’s trying to do?” Ibiki asked.

Kakashi shrugged. For a while there was silence.

“Well, there’s only one way to find out,” said Iruka, breaking the silence.

He’s a bomb, Kakashi thought, as everyone shuddered from the short but sharp exposure to the Influence. A living Weapon of Mass Destruction; set him off and every bastard in the vicinity will surrender on bended knee…

…I wonder what would happen if he pitted against Orochimaru?

Oblivious to Kakashi’s random thoughts, Iruka stated the obvious: “We have to ask Airin-san.”

00000

Iruka led the small entourage of (supposed to be scary) Konoha Shinobi (minus Gai) to the Infirmary. About halfway there, they accost Irene and the two Suna Genin Kakashi saw a few days earlier. More specifically, they found Irene smothering a short, redheaded Suna Genin in a hug, while the two other Suna Genin—one wearing a black catsuit, and the other carrying a huge metal fan— stared at Irene like she was completely and totally nuts.

“Goodness, you’ve grown so much!” Irene crooned, teary-eyed, as she rubbed her cheeks against the redhead’s hair.

… If anyone still had some reason to suspect Irene, the scene finished it off. One thing everyone knew about Orochimaru and his minions, they constitutionally incapable of doing anything this nauseatingly saccharine.

At length, Irene let the redhead go. The redhead in question looked like s/he was suffering a concussion, but doing a marvelously good job at hiding it.

“How long has it been, six years?” Irene said, brushing her tears away. “I wasn’t summoned since your last surgery, and I wasn’t sure if you’d get proper maintenance in Wind Country. Speaking of which, how are you doing?”

The redhead didn’t speak. S/he just stood there, blinking owlishly.

“Still so quiet,” Irene said chidingly. “Do you still have chronic headaches? Nausea? Are you sleeping well?”

No answer; just more owlish blinking.

“I’ll take that as yes, yes and no,” Irene smiled ruefully. “Come here, sweetie, let me do a check-up.”

The redhead took two steps back. Then s/he vanished in a whirlwind of sand.

Irene blinked at the small pile of sand the redhead left behind. Then she turned to the other two Genin.

“Kankuro, Temari, what going on?”

“How do you know our names?” Catsuit asked sharply.

“Should we know you?” the Girl asked.

Irene looked hurt. “Lee Irene? The brain surgeon who operated on Gaara twice? One would think you two would remember me after I took y’all out for hamburgers ever so often.”

Catsuit—Kankuro, Kakashi assumed— blinked a couple of times. Then light dawned. “Oh!”

“You grew your hair!” The girl—Temari, Kakashi assumed— blurted out.

“Actually, this is a wig,” Irene said, lifting the wig up for them to see. “My actual hair hasn’t grown much.”

“You look hellava lot different with that wig,” Kankuro muttered. “The feck happened to your legs?”

“Multiple Systems Atrophy, spinal nerve deterioration, and e-Brain Death Syndrome,” Irene replied, giving more information than strictly necessary. “What happened to Gaara?”

“…Some sh!t.”

“I suppose you can’t tell me what kind of poo was involved,” Irene said.

Kankuro shook his head. “What are you doing here?”

Irene smiled. “What’s my job?”

Kankuro pulled a face. “Surgeon. Right. You’re part of Konoha’s medical staff?”

“No, I’m here for the occasion.”

“Really,” Kankuro shrugged his shoulders. “Well, we better get going…” They started walking away.

“Send Gaara to the infirmary, will you? I want to do a check up.” Irene called out.

Kankuro and Temari gave Irene looks that showed their opinion of her sanity in spades. “We make no promises.”

Irene waved them off. Once the Suna Genin were out of sight and beyond detection, the ensemble of Chuunin and Jounin unmasked their presence and approached (the ANBU stayed hidden as they were supposed to).

“You know them?” Ibiki asked.

Irene turned around and faced Ibiki and the others. “Yes. The redhead has a unique type of epilepsy that induces manic insomnia and violent chakra seizures. Vivian asked me on her deathbed to take care of the kid. I performed two major surgeries and six other treatments. I met the other two after the first surgery.” A pause. “I think their parents weren’t happy with the results. I haven’t heard from them again since the last surgery.”

“You went to the Hidden Sand village?”

Irene shook her head. “I was summoned to port Nawasaki. I did the surgeries in Tsuwa-no-hana.”

“Tsuwa-no-hana…That’s the Southerner settlement in Wind Country, isn’t it?”

Irene nodded. Ibiki was silent for a moment. It was not entirely clear if the weight of his silence affected Irene any.

“Why are you—” Ibiki started.

A phone rang.

“Excuse me,” Irene pulled out a phone from her jacket.

“Mom, we’re here!” Naruto’s voice announced.

“My, aren’t you fast,” Irene smiled. “Okay, I’ll be there in a minute.”

Ibiki looked like he was going to object—or explode. But before he could do anything, Irene ended the call.

“Please excuse me again,” Irene said with a bow and pleading gesture. “I have to meet the kids.”

Then without further ado, Irene rolled away. Ibiki imploded shortly afterwards.

“…Woman’s got guts, that’s for sure,” Jaku muttered.

“(Bleeping) out of her mind, too,” Liipa added.

Gifted with the most inconvenient timing, more like. “Looks like she’s going to do whatever, whether we like it or not,” Kakashi shrugged. “I’m off. Iruka-sensei, come with me.”

“Oi, was that a double-entendre, Kakashi?” Anko called out as they broke away from the group.

“So who’s the woman?” someone else shouted.

An artery on Iruka’s forehead bulged at the last comment.

“Kakashi-san, brace yourself,” he said.

Kakashi did so. A second later, Iruka’s Aura of DOOM ™ went off. On the next second, all of the bastards were twitching on the floor.

“You’re progressing very well, Kakashi-san. I think you’ll be able to handle actual Heavy Chakra jutsu very soon,” Iruka said, as they walked away.

Mwahahahaha! “Oh?”

“Let’s get together as soon as this exam is over,” Iruka grinned. “Bring Noriko-chan with you.”

Speaking of which, I’m going to get you for that. “Yeah. Sure.”

Absolutely. BWAHAHAHAHA…!

00000

At the ground level of the tower, not one, not two, but three Konoha Genin teams were opening a pair of test scrolls. Iruka identified the unexpected third group as Team Asuma. The team’s identity didn’t say much about the reason why they were with Teams Kakashi and Gai.

Did my team make another alliance? Kakashi wondered. Why?

The summoning jutsu inside the test scrolls did its job, and a Chuunin examiner appeared right on target. The summoned Chuunin examiner checked if all three teams fulfilled the test requirements. After Naruto yelled the examiner into submission (“The woman said we’re disqualified if any one of our teammates is dead or lost! And as you can see, none of us are dead or lost!”), and the examiner marked the Genin’s names down, the Chuunin explained the underlying principle behind the ‘Battle Royal’ exam: the Heaven scroll signifies brains and the Earth scroll signifies brawns; those who have more brawns than brains must get themselves more brains, and those who have more brains than brawns must train their wimpy brawns; those who are equipped with a good balance of brains and brawns shall succeed in all missions.

Reality, of course, is a lot less ideal, Kakashi thought to himself. You can have the best brawns and brains in the world, but it won’t make you any less human. And human always fail.

As for Irene, her focus was on something else.

“That’s it,” she cried, flinging her hands up in air. “I have just witnessed evidence that directly contradicts Quantum Physics. I am officially a monkey butt!”

Then Irene sighed like her lifework was undone. On the next heartbeat, she directed her wheelchair to roll downstairs, where the Genin were.

“Good evening, everyone, you’re right on time,” Irene said. There were no traces whatsoever of her earlier despair in her speech or demeanor. “Please follow me. I am the doctor assigned to treat Sasuke.”

“Airin-san is most certainly Naruto’s mother,” Iruka muttered. “Her mood shifts are as instantaneous as him.”

Here! Here! “Let’s see if she can wrestle Sasuke away.”

Iruka rolled his eyes. “You want to her see unhinged, don’t you?”

Alas, Ka— they were disappointed. The examiner just let Irene lead Naruto (who was supporting Sasuke) away. Sakura and Ino followed. Kakashi decided to have a word with the examiner’s superior before making his presence known.

“Kakashi-sensei!” Sakura squeaked. She looked genuinely relieved to see him. “Iruka-sensei, too!” she added.

“Yo,” said Kakashi.

“Hello,” Iruka smiled. “Looks like you guys had a rough time.”

The looks on the girls’ faces uniformly screamed: You have NO idea how much pain and suffering we went through! Pity us! The boy(s) had a layer of ‘girls…’ on top of that sentiment. The whole thing was amusing if one had no reason to feel sorry and all reason to feel reminiscent.

Once the pity-induction fest was out of the way, the girls pounced on Irene.

“How are you going to treat Sasuke-kun?” Sakura wanted to know.

“What’s wrong with Sasuke-kun anyway?” Ino asked.

Kakashi could have sworn he heard Irene mutter ‘fan girls’ under her breath.

“Let me put it this way, in means of an analogy,” Irene said. “Sasuke has been infected by a kind of a leprosy that affects the things that allows you to generate Chakra.”

Sakura and Ino turned absolutely white.

Kakashi rolled his eyes. Oh smooth. They took the explanation literally…

“Sasuke-kun has chakra leprosy!?” Ino screeched.

“Noooo!” Sakura wailed.

“But leprosy is curable,” Iruka said over of the girls’ juvenile anguish. “I assume there is a silver bullet?”

“There is a bullet all right, but whether it’s silver remains to be seen,” said Irene. “This type of infection occurs very rarely, you know.”

We’re gonna have a village-wide ‘Curse Seal’ pandemic panic attack in week, I just know it. “What does the bullet entail?”

“Giving Sasuke a facial and half-body tattoo.”

…

……

“…A WHAT!?”

00000
TBC
00000

Pretentious Closing Notes: After a two month wait, I end chapter twenty with a cliffhanger. Aren’t I evil:D.

A Different Perspective has been nominated for a Naruto fanfiction award. I am still in shock. But the shock of the nomination is eclipsed by the fact ADP was nominated in the 'Action/Adventure' category. Now I don't know about you, but ADP doesn't look very Action-packed to me... Anyway, if you so inclined, you can vote here: http://nfa.narutofic.org/vote.php. As I mentioned before, ADP is (miss-)listed under the 'Action/Adventure' category. And if you are the person who nominated my story, THANK YOU SO MUCH!

In case you are wondering, ADP!Gaara doesn’t suffer from epilepsy. Irene diagnosed ADP!Gaara’s condition as epilepsy because she didn’t and doesn’t know the existence of Shukaku and Jinchuuriki. Face it, Irene is not Agent Fox Mulder.

I put a little pun at the last section of chapter 19, and wondered if anyone would pick it up. Hence I posed a challenge. The pun is ‘Jaku’ and ‘Liipa’, as in ‘Jack the Ripper’. (→silence, crickets, a volley of tomatoes ←). I know, I know, the pun is absolutely lame, but I needed a name worthy of a ninja who’s scary even for a ninja, and a ‘Jack the Ripper’ was the first thing that came to mind. (→more tomatoes ←) Anyway, Red Rose 2 wins the challenge. Depending on what s/he wants, I will be giving him/her an (ADP-related) illustration or two page manga or 2 page short story of his/her choice (there will be limits to the contents).

Many thanks to Dolphin River for picking up the mistake regarding Irene’s nonexistent cell phone in the latter part of chapter 19.

The next chapter title is NOT crossroads IV!

Lookie who's here....

2006-11-01T00:39:15Z

Okay. So it's been more than a month since I last updated. Rest assured, I am working on chapter twenty of ADP (...twenty; I still can't believe I wrote so much...). It's that just my bad habit of NOT making any chronological progress until all written parts are just right reared it's ugly head again. The chapter itself is either half done or one thirds done. The varying proportions are due to the fact that I'm not quite sure where I'm going to stop (I impose page bandwidth to my chapters-- 7 pages minimum, 13 pages maximum-- and I'm at 4 pages). I do know what I'm going to write, so no problems on inspiration end, that is for sure.

I got a notice that A Different Perspective was nominated for a fanfiction award. When I got the notice I read the contents a couple of times and just blinked, I was so surprised. Whoever nominated me, THANK YOU VERY MUCH. I appreciate that you liked ADP enough to nominate it for an award! I am kind of wondering, though, why you nominated for the Action/Adventure category. ADP doesn't seem terribly action-packed to me... Anyway. If anyone so inclined, you can second the nomination or browse through the nominations here: http://nfa.narutofic.org/nominees.php. ADP is somewhere down the bottom.

I've been talking to the It's Not Easy Being Green bunny a lot these days, and another mirror mutation of the bunny spawned in the process. It's actually a modification of an old idea of mine, one I had before I got into Naruto. It's a multi universe crossover of rather dramatic proportions-- so dramatic even I'm not sure if it's wise to pursue it. Again, it's a doujinshi, so I suppose I can get away with a lot in this format... Hee.

For those who live in the Americas... Happy Halloween!

[FANART] A Different Perspective

2006-09-19T03:21:32Z

As I promised, I drew out Naruto under the influence of the Dark Moon phenomenon.

	vs
I remember reading a review from someone who wondered if Naruto had curly-curls during the Dark Moon Phenomenon. Well, as you can see: no, not really. Having said that, please ignore the fact DMP!ADP!Naruto looks at least two years older than he actually is, and looks nothing like Canon Naruto... Bah. Who am I kidding? ADP!Naruto is practically an original character now...

Behold Lee Irene, mother of all orphaned, belligerent and brilliant punks.

[FIC] A Different Perspective

2006-09-16T02:48:15Z

A Different Perspective
by Book of Changes

Author Notes: Okay. I promised that I wouldn’t complain. So I won’t. Having said that, let me announce my quickest update ever. Oh, and happy birthday, Kakashi!

Previous chapters can be read at ff.net as always.

00000
Crossroads II
00000

In the case of locating Team Gai, Irene didn’t have to resort to criminal activities because Naruto and Sakura already knew how to find Team Gai. As a matter of fact, they knew how to find seventeen different Genin Teams, Team Gai being one of them.

When Naruto first told them this, both Kakashi and Irene told him to stop lying. Before Naruto exploded, Sakura punched him out and explained:

The first thing Naruto, Sasuke and Sakura did after the second test started, was sitting down and discussing how they were going to get the necessary scroll. One of the plans they devised and implemented was as follows: Naruto would continuously create a pair of Kage Bunshin clones and transform them into various species of forest vermin. The two transformed clones would then go looking for other teams. Whenever a team was discovered, one of the clones would dispel and thus alert Naruto, while the other clone followed the team around looking for an opportunity to steal the team’s scroll, or stick a GPS tracker (a specially made sticker that generated a GPS signal) on someone. If a clone managed to steal a test scroll, it would immediately send it to Naruto using a weapon summoning/banishing scroll. Then it would bamph itself out and eliminate all evidence.

Now, the plan itself was undeniably effective: in less than three hours, Team Kakashi found twenty teams, tagged seventeen of them, and obtained eleven scrolls. It was when they decided to sit down and wait until the last Naruto-clone got a scroll did they screw up.

“You were supposed to move on as soon as you fulfilled the requirements,” Kakashi admonished.

Sakura and Naruto flinched. Then they bowed their heads and hunched their shoulders in a way that made them look a couple puppies locked out of the house.

…Kakashi decided to leave the scolding at that. Except for that one mistake, his team did an exceptional job. Moreover, the Genin just weathered an attack by Orochimaru; they didn’t need another blow to their sanity, even if it looked like they were holding up well. The fact that the two looked unspeakably cute had NOTHING to with it.

Really.

As for Irene, she had other concerns.

“Where did you get all those GPS trackers?” She demanded.

Naruto squeaked, blathered: ‘Oh Lee’s moving away we need to go after him I’ll call you back later okay bye’ and ended the webcam.

For a while Irene just sat there, trying to incinerate her computer monitor with her eyes.

“…Is he not supposed to have the trackers?” Kakashi eventually asked.

“Only police officers and public security officials are allowed to have them,” Irene said, still fuming and glaring spitfire. “I bet Hiruma swiped them from work.”

“He probably did,” Kakashi agreed.

Irene scowled for a few more seconds. Then she sighed. “All right, so they know how to take care of that problem. That’s good. As for me, I still have to prepare for Sasuke’s treatment.”

“What do you need?”

“My laptop,” said Irene, as she scratched her right temple in a preoccupied manner. “My PDA, some MM solution, acupuncture needles—”

“We have acupuncture needles.”

“I’m not talking about the traditional kind,” said Irene, still looking preoccupied. “I should bring my emergency surgery kit too…”

Irene suddenly turned around and studied Kakashi in a critical manner. It made Kakashi feel like he was being inspected like a prized horse. Or bull.

“My surgery kit weighs at least a hundred forty kilograms (300 lbs). Do you think you can manage that and me and fifty kilos of other stuff?” Irene asked.

Kakashi didn’t have to ponder too deeply. “No.”

Irene blinked once. “Not really macho, are you?”

“No,” said Kakashi with dignity, “Just very realistic.”

Irene nodded slowly. “Okay then. I’ll just ask some of my kids to—”

“No need. I’ll ask Gai. He can handle you and all of your stuff and still have some strength left over.”

Irene blinked again. “Are you talking about the older … guy wearing a green leotard and orange leggings at yesterday’s impromptu meeting?”

“Yes.”

Irene gave Kakashi a scrutinizing look.

“I think you’re up to something,” Irene concluded at length.

Kakashi tilted his head like an innocent puppy. “What makes you think so?”

“There’s this tick going on next to your right eyeball,” Irene said, pointing the edge her of left eye. “And you’re pursing your lips like you’re trying not to laugh.”

Man, this woman’s observant. “Are you sure about that?”

“I may be semi-quadriplegic, but there’s nothing wrong with my eyes.”

“Indeed,” Kakashi allowed himself to smile. “But in all honesty, Gai is the best person to take care of the transport. He knows how to get here and he’s fast. He’ll even take care of the crowd outside your office.”

At the mention of a crowd, Irene glared at her office door.

“…A Konoha Ninja indeed,” She muttered. “Fine. I’ll leave the equipment to him. Just make sure you pick up my wheelchair on the way.”

“Done,” said Kakashi, mentally making a V-sign. “May I use your phone?”

Irene made shooing gestures at her office phone.

“It doesn’t work for Konoha numbers. But if you press number 7, you’ll reach my mobile.”

So Kakashi worked on the phone, while Irene took things out of her desk drawers.

Iruka picked up after the first ring.

“Hello?”

“Yo, it’s me.”

“Ah, Kakashi-sensei!” Kakashi could almost hear Iruka smile that deadly smile of his. In fact, if he listened very carefully, he could hear the soft thumps of collapsing people in the background. “I alerted Sandaime. We’re waiting at the Tower as we speak. What about you?”

“Just finished making contact with my Team,” Kakashi replied. “They gave me a status report. Orochimaru left a ‘gift’ on Sasuke, and put a little obstacle on Naruto.”

“…I was afraid you’d say that…”

“But here’s some good news: Airin (Irene) says she knows how to prevent the worst affects of the Curse Seal.” Kakashi didn’t ask Iruka to verify the trustworthiness of Irene’s claim. It would be rude, first and foremost, and Iruka should be able to catch the unspoken question whether it was actually voiced or not.

There was a short pause.

“Then you should bring her over,” Iruka said. This meant Sandaime cleared Irene. Good.

“I’ll do that,” Kakashi said. “Speaking of which, can you send Gai over to Irene’s office?”

There was another short pause.

“Kakashi, what are you up to?” Iruka demanded.

In retrospect, Kakashi should have known Iruka would be able to detect suspicious thoughts even over a phone. “…Nothing. It’s just that I can’t move two hundred kilograms (440 lbs) worth of equipment and Irene by myself.”

“Right…” Iruka still sounded suspicious. “I’ll send a messenger bird right now.”

“Good, good…”

“And can you tell Naruto that if he opens the scroll, someone will come and take Sasuke out of the Forest?”

Kakashi felt the smile leave his face.

“Are you asking me to tell my team to fail on purpose?” Kakashi asked quietly.

“I didn’t say that,” Iruka said defensively. “And aren’t they already disqualified, since they contacted you?”

There was some talking in the background.

“…Okay, so they’re not,” said Iruka.

“Yet,” Kakashi added. “But if I tell them anything now, they’d be disqualified, right?”

Kakashi heard someone making a confirming noise from the phone.

“I thought so.”

“Look, treating Sasuke’s Curse Seal has the highest priority!” Iruka burst out in his frustration.

“I know. Naruto-tachi knows that too. That’s why they’re trying to make it to the tower within eight hours.”

“…That’s not very helpful.”

“You’re just assuming that they can’t make it.”

“You’re just assuming that they can.”

“I have a good reason to believe that they can,” said Kakashi. “That’s all. I’ll see you at the tower.”

“BUT—!”

Kakashi hung up. Then he sighed and looked down at Irene.

Irene was smirking like a cat that ate the cream covered bird.

“You two argue a lot on this subject, don’t you?” she said, her eyes dancing with mirth. “You keep shoving the kids towards the deep, while Iruka-san tries not to push them too hard.”

You’re just as inconveniently perspective as Naruto. “Are you done?”

“I still need to get my surgery kit and some MM solution,” said Irene. “Unfortunately, both items are not in my office.”

Kakashi sighed again. “I guess we have no choice…”

At that moment, the sickeningly familiar sound of (what Kakashi later learned to be) gunshots, followed by a cacophony of human screams filtered through the office door. Kakashi and Irene stared at the aforementioned door for while, blinking owlishly. Then:

“(Bleep) off, you (bleeping) (bleeps)! I have no (bleeping) time for you!”

More gunshots and more screams, the latter growing softer by the second.

“…I’m going to wash that boy’s mouth with bleach,” Irene muttered.

Good luck on that. “Maa, at least the crowd is gone.”

Just then the door slammed open, revealing Hiruma and a young, huge giant of a man who had a head shaped like a chestnut. As expected, Hiruma was holding up a couple of his favorite weapons and their ends were smoking.

“…Yoichi, if I told you once, I told you five hundred twenty seven times—” Irene started.

“—do NOT bring guns to school. Yeah, yeah, I know,” Hiruma finished.

Irene tapped her fingers on her desk, glaring.

“I’m so sorry! I tried to stop him!” Chestnut-head cried, apparently unable to bear an angry Irene.

“You don’t have to apologize, Ryokan, you didn’t do anything wrong,” Irene said, all warmth and understanding. Then she completely switched gears and looked at Hiruma forbiddingly. “I have urgent business to attend to. So state your business and be brief.”

Before the power of Mommy, even Hiruma looked like he doubted the wisdom of voicing smart-a$$ remarks.

“Jeremy called and told me you needed someone to take you Konoha as quickly as possible,” he said instead.

Irene raised an Eyebrow.

…Hitherto Kakashi didn’t know it was possible for a person to make such an expression, even if one was not born with Gai’s eyebrows. But then again, Irene’s eyebrows were shaped to form a perpetual frown…

“Did he now…” Irene said in soft and deadly tone.

“Musashi’s waiting at his truck,” Hiruma bared his teeth into an insane grin that looked oh-so familiar, despite the fact Kakashi never actually seen it. “I got your surgery kit and five boxes of MM solution too.”

Irene raised the other Eyebrow. “’Been eavesdropping on me, weren’t you?”

“For a good cause,” said Hiruma, his smile as angelic as it was insane. “It saved time, right?”

Irene’s returning smile was just as sweet as it was full of promises of Catastrophe. “… Sure.”

I will not say: ‘This happens often, doesn’t it?’ I will not say: ‘This happens often, doesn’t it?’ I will not say— “This happens often, doesn’t it?” Kakashi said. “Your kids challenging you to a battle of wits, and you fighting right ba—”

Kakashi stopped when Irene aimed her Expression Foretelling Cataclysmic Catastrophe at him.

“To business,” she said firmly.

Kakashi stared at the Eyebrows. “Okay. To business.”

00000

‘Business’ progressed like a well oiled engine after Hiruma, Musashi, and Kurita (Ryokan) entered the picture. Kurita moved everything, including Irene. Hiruma scared away all the obstacles, including humans (especially humans). As for Musashi, he overlooked the hauling, and then operated the automatic steel wagon called ‘truck.’

“There’s no need to be so tense,” Irene said to Kakashi, while the truck headed towards a place Musashi called ‘the loading dock’. “Haven’t you been on a truck before?”

“Well…” Kakashi tried to sit in more relaxed slouch while maintaining the chakra that kept his butt glued to the truck. He failed miserably. So he confessed: “…No.”

Irene blinked. Then she laughed.

“Oh my, how unexpected,” Irene eyed Kakashi keenly. “So you weren’t around during the golden age of Niiminjin-Konoha relations?”

Kakashi didn’t want to answer the question. Whatever answer he’d say or not say would give away too much, and Irene figured out too much already. Besides, Kakashi didn’t want to think about his life before age sixteen if he could help it.

It was time to direct the conversation elsewhere.

“Perhaps,” Kakashi said, hoping he sounded sufficiently cryptic. “What about you?”

“My family immigrated here just before things started to go down the toilet. So I did get to see my parents mingling and befriending Konoha Residents when I was very little.”

Kakashi remembered seeing Sakumo befriending soldiers from the now-extinct Niiminjin Reserves Force when he was very little too. He didn’t tell Irene though; Sakumo was another part of Kakashi’s life he didn’t want to think too deeply about.

Seeing that Irene was about to take control of the conversation again, Kakashi posed a distraction:

“Any calls from Naruto?”

“None since then,” Irene twisted her lips into a knowing and rueful smile. “I want to know how they’re holding up too. But I suppose it’s a good thing that Naruto’s not broadcasting his every move.”

“Indeed…” said Kakashi. But even if he agreed with the principle, it didn’t stop him from wanting to know how Naruto was going to negotiate Team Gai. Because for this case, a second-hand account just wasn’t going to cut it.

It was time to discover more wonders of Niiminjin Technology.

“…But they shouldn’t be taking this long, even with Sasuke out,” Kakashi eyed Irene. “Is there a way get their status without Naruto returning the contact?”

“There’s a lot of ways, all of which are illegal,” Irene answered. “But if we disregard legitimacy, our best option is breaking into Naruto’s e-brain, and attempt a retina-to-video streamline.”

Kakashi had no idea what Irene was talking about, but the word ‘video’ sounded promising. And since Kakashi was shinobi, a method’s legitimacy was of no concern. Now if he could just craft his response so it would sound like he wasn’t terribly worried about Naruto’s ability to convince Lee as much as he wanted to see how he was going to do it—

“…No wait. Even if I can get a video feed, you won’t be able to see it unless I upload it to a computer.”

Kakashi still had no idea what Irene was talking about, but this didn’t sound good.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean you won’t be able to see the video until we get to the tower,” Irene elaborated in layman.

…

……

…YOU NEVER FAIL TO DISAPPOINT, DO YOU!? Kakashi howled in his mind.

Kakashi was trying not to bash his head against the truck, when Irene’s mobile phone proclaimed the incoming of the long awaited call.

“It’s me, Mom,” Naruto said from the other side of the phone. He sounded like he didn’t know if he wanted to laugh or cry. “Lee’s all right.”

“That’s great,” said Irene. “How did you do it?”

“I thought it would be best if we asked Lee first, and make him speak in our behalf,” Naruto said, still sounding like he was torn between laughter and weeping. “We used the Bijin strategy. As soon as Sakura-chan said ‘Lee-san, we need help’ he said okay.”

Sucker, Kakashi chuckled. Irene smiled.

“Actually he said: ‘Of course! Anything for you, Sakura-san! I promise I’ll protect you to the day I die!’” Naruto clarified, in a terrible (and horrifying) imitation of Gai-speech.

But if anything, it made Irene smile even more. “Really.”

“Uh-huh. And then he did the teeth-sparkle-and-thumb thing.” Naruto sighed. “He needs to get checked.”

Irene laughed outright. “But this means you have one very staunch ally. That’s wonderful.”

“I suppose…” Naruto said. But he didn’t sound very enthusiastic. “Now we just have to convince the rest of Lee’s team. I’m hoping they’ll agree once I put my cards on the table.”

“You have an incentive package?” Irene asked.

“Something like that,” said Naruto. “I think I can see them now. Talk to you later, Mom!”

“Wait!” Irene called out. “Don’t hang up! I want to hear this.”

A low grumbling noise came from the phone. “Fine, fine…”

Kakashi heard an odd windy sort of noise from the phone. Presumably Naruto was putting his phone into his pocket and set the volume higher. Irene moved closer to Kakashi, so he’d be able to listen better.

They waited.

“Lee says you need help,” Hyuuga Neji said without preamble.

“You can say that,” Naruto replied.

“I don’t see why we should,” Neji said, sneer evident in his tone.“You guys are our opponents. But even if you weren’t, I see no point in helping a weakling team who went down before the end of the first day.”

“Neji!” Lee shouted, outraged.

“It’s okay Lee,” Naruto said calmly.

There were a bout of windy noises and shuffling before Naruto resumed talking:

“If it was just about passing this test, we wouldn’t have bothered. It’s not as if Sasuke can’t recover in five days. But we need to get to the tower in eight hours. That’s why we’re here to make an alliance.”

A short pause.

“An alliance between shinobi is made only if it benefits both parties,” Neji drawled. “What can your team offer that would benefit us?”

This time, the sound of shifting fabric came out of the phone. Then there was silence.

“We don’t need your scroll,” said Neji, still unimpressed.

“This is just a token of our gratitude, which we’re going to give to you whether you accept our offer or not,” Naruto said, still unfazed.“I know your team is strong. We wouldn’t have approached if we thought you guys aren’t strong enough. I also know you guys don’t need help to clear this test. That’s why we chose this to be your incentive.”

There was the sound of a zipper moving, and another bout of fabric shifting noise.

A stunned pause ensued.

“…Hoh…”

“…Waah…”

“…No way…!”

Kakashi could almost see the sh!t-eating grin spreading across Naruto’s face.

“We got all this in three hours,” Naruto stated. “Don’t you want the information we can provide?”

No answer. For a while only the sound of forest quiet echoed from the phone. In Kakashi’s mind eye, he could see Team Gai and Team Seven at a standoff, with Neji scrutinizing Naruto through the Byakugan while Naruto held his jacket open so Neji could see the impressive number of authentic scrolls stashed within.

The period of silence stretched.

“—teresting,” Neji finally muttered. “You live up to your reputation, Team Kakashi.”

“We try not to disappoint,” Naruto said.

Neji actually let out a snort of laughter.

“I take back my previous assessment,” Neji eventually said. “I even acknowledge your Team has some skills. That said, I’m certainly interested in getting more info about the person or team who managed to put your team in this state.”

“So we have a deal?” Naruto asked.

“Just swear that you will answer all our questions.”

“I’m not allowed to swear,”Naruto said, surprising quite a few listeners (and eavesdroppers) by saying so. “But my ‘Yes’ is ‘Yes’ and my ‘No’ is ‘No’. And I say ‘Yes, I will answer your questions’. Whether you believe what I say or not is totally up to you. Fair?”

“…Fair enough.”

The phone line went completely silent after that. Irene closed her own phone with a sigh and a smile.

“Don’t you just love it when he’s in negotiator mode?” she said.

Kakashi beamed. “Absolutely.”

00000

The truck made it to Konoha without any causing any problems. No one inside the truck got hurt, no animals or trees were harmed, and the trip only took ten minutes. The wonders of Niiminjin Technology just never stopped.

An ANBU escort dropped in on them the moment the truck went pass Konoha’s main gate. Out of the three unexpected people, only Hiruma was allowed to accompany Irene because he had public security credentials (Kakashi briefly wondered over Niiminjin public security’s recruiting efforts; just how desperate were they that they recruited Hiruma?). Seeing that the ANBU escort wasn’t about to change their minds, Musashi gave Hiruma some keys, and warned him there would be dire consequences if he drove the truck like he drove a police car.

Hiruma said he would do his best. Musashi pulled a face, muttered something about needing a new set of tires, and left (without the truck).

Once Musashi and Kurita were out of sight, the ANBU escort put Irene and Hiruma through a pat down search. Then they blindfolded the two before they took them to the underground tunnel system that connected all major buildings in Konoha while bypassing everything in between, the Forest of Death included. Kakashi could tell just from the escort that there was a lot tension over bringing an unknown Niiminjin civilian to treat the last Konoha-bound Uchiha. Personally, Kakashi thought they were being a bit stupid: what good would it do to scare the only person who could treat the aforementioned Uchiha before she actually treated him?

The reception waiting for Irene (and Hiruma) was as forbidding as the escort, if not more so. All the hardcore scary guns were there: Sandaime, Ibiki, Anko, Jaku, Liipa and more fully armored ANBU than strictly necessary. Iruka was there too, and doing a terrible job at looking scary. But everyone there knew he was probably the scariest of them all.

Now, Hiruma’s reaction to the whole ordeal was as expected: half riled up and half royally pissed. It was Irene who went contrary to expectations.

Irene first bowed to the ensemble of (scary) Konoha shinobi. Then she made eye contact with Sandaime, who acknowledged her polite bow with a small nod. Then she looked at everyone else with a serene smile on her face.

“I know no one recognizes who I am,” she said. “But this might be kind of helpful: I recognize a lot of you.”

On the next blink, all that was white on Irene turned black: her hair, her clothes, her eyebrows. Then Irene took out a pair of dark-green shades with rectangular lenses from her inner coat pocket, and put them on.

Thus so transformed, Irene looked eerily familiar.

When the gathered shinobi’s collective memory, the Unspeakable Incident, and the name ‘Agent Elrond’ finally came crashing together, those over age twenty three took the resulting shock rather well: Anko was the only one who screamed and ran out of the room.

But of course, Hiruma just had to laugh at them like a demented hyena … he just had to.

As for Irene, she threaded her fingers together and continued to smile serenely.

“Mae Govannen, Shinobi of Konoha.”

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TBC
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Pretentious Closing Notes: The last scene would probably make more sense if you see a picture of Agent Smith from The Matrix and Lord Elrond from The Lord of the Rings, movie version. My deepest apologies to those who know/remember this old joke … as for those who are new to it: I apologize for the bad quality of that joke. I just couldn’t resist.

Speaking of jokes, kudos and a speical present to the person who finds all the puns/jokes I put in this chapter.

Biijin Strategy: Literally ‘the ploy using a beautiful woman’. Throughout history, this tactic successfully corrupted leaders/kings/emperors and destroyed friendships, alliances, countries, empires, and dynasties where armies, brute force, and diplomacy failed. Tells you a lot about men of power, doesn’t it?

Mae Govannen: ‘Well met’ in Tolkien Elvish. And yes, once upon a time, BoC dabbled in Tolkien.